Before Love

The moment I realized I love you, was the moment that I lost you.

But it wasn’t the moment I fell in love. I don’t think there was one exact moment I did; it was something gradual, I think. It began the moment we met. Our individual threads crossing paths on the tapestry of life, and then it all became deeper and deeper; more intricate and beautiful. It was beautiful.

But then I became aware. I realized I love you. And I didn’t know it yet— or.. maybe I did, but I was in denial. Denial of the fact that the moment I realized I love you, was the moment that I lost you.

Because suddenly, I began spending my life and my breath and my strength holding on to you instead of just loving you. I spent all my energy on keeping you instead of simply being with you. To just be with you.

And that was gradual too. Like when I had fallen in love. How I wish we could go back to that. Back to even before I knew you loved me too. Back to when I didn’t have to fear that I was losing you because I didn’t even have you yet, I just had you. I just loved you, without knowing it, yet.